IT Help Wanted: [itroundtable] Fwd: power of a question

Tuesday, July 7, 2009

[itroundtable] Fwd: power of a question

---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: <LinZlev@aol.com>
Date: Mon, Jul 6, 2009 at 11:32 PM
Subject: power of a question
To:

The Power of a Question

Questions can be powerful tools for unlocking the mysteries of life. As a coach I use questions all the time to help my clients look at issues from different perspectives and

to begin to notice the possibilities that may lie just outside their sight of vision. But questions can also have a down-side. Depending on the types of questions used,

they can be as powerful in keeping us stuck as they can be in moving us forward.

It might be difficult at first to see how asking questions could have a negative effect on us. Without asking questions we will get no answers; and without answers it is impossible

to learn and develop. So, let take some of the more common questions that we all struggle with and see how this theory plays out.

Some of the typical recurring questions that I hear start with the following themes - you can fill in the blanks with your own personal issue.

Why can't I ...............?

Why am I not...............?

Why am I so...............?

Why can't he/she..................?

Why do I always.....................?

The first thing to notice is that all these questions start with "Why". For anyone who has taken a class in communication, you know that starting a question with "why" is a major "no-no" because it automatically assigns blame and infers failure.

Yet, we use it all the time in our own personal dialogues.

If you ask yourself, "Why can't I ever get a job I really like?", you are starting from the premise that you can't - that something is wrong with you. You have already given up

on yourself and will be soon entering a loop of self-blame that can't go anywhere but down.

But if you can turn that question around, and ask: "How am I stopping myself from getting my dream job?", you are conveying a whole different message to yourself. In this question you are aware that there is something temporarily between you and your goal. However, you are coming from a place of power. You are willing to look at what the obstacle might be; and you know that once you discover what it is, you will be able to eliminate it and move on.

I invite you to take some time and make a list of your most frequently asked questions. If you have trouble coming up with a list, ask your partner or a close friend what questions seem to recur in your dialogues. Sit with your list and slowly look at each question. Turn your mind off and listen to your body.

Notice how you feel when you read each one. Do you feel empowered or do you feel overwhelmed? If a question does not seem to be moving you forward, think about how you

could rephrase it. How could the issue be addressed in a way that would allow for possibilities?

As you begin to rephrase your questions, once again notice how you feel. There is always a small part of us who likes feeling stuck. If there weren't, we would never experience

that feeling. As you look at these issues from a more empowered place, that part will not be happy. As possibilities start to emerge, this sub-personality will probably try and sabotage the process by coming up with another bunch of questions to make you doubt yourself.

EXAMPLE: Susan's recurring question was, "Why do I always settle for a less than perfect job? There are two ways to approach this question. One is to list all the reasons why she thought she was failing at job finding which is what many of us do. That list can be very depressing. A second approach is to clarify exactly what Susan is looking for in a career opportunity.

Here's where we found the snag. As we discussed this issue, it became evident that Susan wasn't clear about what she really wanted in a career. She was holding to an ideal that didn't really fit for her. Once she was able to articulate what she wanted and what was congruent with her values, she started to move forward. She felt more in control and could see possibilities opening up for her.

Yet, as soon as she successfully addressed her original question, more questions popped up such as "Do I really deserve to be happy? Can I find something to match mycriteria, or am being too picky?" However, Susan was now able to recognize that these questions were not coming from her heart, but rather from the part of her who thrives in "realm of stuckness"; and this time she wasn't going to let that part get in her way.

It is important to become aware of the role questions play in your life. Do you use them sparingly to clarify things or do you use them as a distraction, escape, or excuse for

not addressing what really is going on? Questions often beget questions and can take us from what is happening in the moment to worrying about the past or the future.

Looking at what could have, should have, or might happen, will only cause us pain. Looking at where we are right now, and what we can do in the present to move us forward, is what will truly empower us.

Try it.

Linsey Levine, MS
CareerCounsel
Creating Conscious Career Paths & Connections
Home Office Phone: 914-923-9233
LinZlev@aol.com
please note new web blog: www.linseylevine.com

Get Unstuck: Get Clear, Get Focused, Get Moving

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SEEKING A GREEN CAREER?: Many people ask me where to find resources to help them figure out their green career path. I belong to a site called GreenCareerCentral.com. Find out more about them at: http://tinyurl.com/c7d2lq

"To love what you do and feel that it matters -
how could anything be more fun?"
Katherine Graham

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